A Writer’s Life

I like memes. I know some people don’t but I think a good meme can say a lot about a person without revealing too much. So thanks to Sulz and Ella for tagging me for this one. Looks like fun.

5 things found in your bag (I’ll use my messenger bag)

• Sunglasses
• iPod and headphones
• Notepad and pen
• Latest book I’m reading (The Road by Cormac McCarthy)
• Chewing gum (or mints)

5 favourite things in your room

• Bookcases & books
  I had these custom made a few years ago; the carpenters loved them so much they’re using the design. Should I get a commission?

• LCD TV
  I bought this when my insomnia started so I could watch DVDs. I love it; it’s a Panasonic 26″ and it’s like having my own home cinema.

• Writing desk
  I found this secondhand and grabbed it; it’s a rolltop desk, something I’ve always wanted. It’s where I do all my writing; poetry, letters, blog posts… isn’t it a beautiful colour?

• Statues & figures
  I love old myths and I’ve been collecting these statues for a few years. These Egyptian ones are made from cold cast resin; the detail is stunning. I also have a collection of pewter statues.

• King Arthur Tapestry
  This is my favourite piece. It’s based on a William Morris tapestry; the knights have left their shields in the woods, searching for the unicorn.

5 things you have always wanted to do

• Open a bookshop
  This is something I’d love to do, open a secondhand bookshop with a cafe and author readings… books are what I know best, so I couldn’t think of a better way to make a living. CJ’s Classics sounds good, eh?

• Have a novel published
  This is an obvious one. I haven’t written anything that I’d send away yet, but maybe it’ll happen. I’m very happy with Sleepless and The Galleon; they’re very different to anything I’ve written before.

• Finish Atlas Shrugged
  I tried reading Rand’s novel in school but couldn’t finish it. It’s something I really should read, so I’ll have to have another go.

• See more of the world
  I haven’t travelled much beyond Europe. I’d love to see the US and Egypt, especially the Pyramids… I’d love to see Wimbledon live as well.

• Think of the perfect comeback
  You know when someone insults you and you wish you had the perfect retort? I always think of it later; just once I’d love to say it right back.

5 things you are currently into

• Cut Copy
  Cut Copy are like a cross between INXS, The Bee Gees and Daft Punk. It sounds odd but they’re actually very good. Their new album is excellent.

• Indiana Jones
  I’ve been trying to avoid spoilers for Indy 4 for months and I loved the trailer. Don’t know if it’ll be like the others but it looks like fun!

• Tetris
  I loved Tetris when I was younger and I’ve been playing it again for the last few weeks. Now I’m addicted. It’s so simple but a lot of fun.

• Audiobooks
  I’ve liked audiobooks for years but I’ve really got into them recently. I just bought Steve Martin’s The Pleasure of My Company and it’s narrated by Martin as well, which is an added bonus.

• Natalie Portman
  Because she’s Natalie Portman. Do I need another reason?

5 people you want to tag
And if you don’t feel like taking part, that’s fine. No pressure.

• Bharat
• Sanjida
• Maribeth
• Dya
• Lynn

I came across this photo on Stock.Xchang earlier and fell in love with it. I love how the tree spreads to fill the image and is framed against the ocean’s glare, how the ocean blends into the sky. The empty bench seems almost sad as well, like there’s no one there to appreciate the beauty… I’m a bit of an amateur photographer and it makes me feel jealous!

What it reminds me of more than anything is summer. It just feels bright and summery. I like the summer months. Well, I don’t enjoy the heat; sometimes it tops 40° C in Sydney and not many people enjoy that. But I like the feeling that comes with summer, the extra light and warmth wiping away the last cobwebs of winter. I love the fresh smell in the air; the lazy days running into one another; sitting under a tree, watching the people go by.

Whenever I think of summer it brings back my adolescence. Some of my fondest memories come from the summer months, on days just like the one in the photo. Playing cricket with my father in the school nets; watching the tennis on TV and playing on the weekends under the hot sun. Listening to Rob Thomas’s and Santana’s Smooth. Drinking a half-melted Calippo, biting into a juicy peach… walks along the beach, the sun gleaming off the ocean.

I cherish those memories but thinking about them also makes me feel sad in a way. I’m at the age where I’m accepting more responsibility and control in my life, but the trade-off is that those days are behind me. I’m happy with who I am but sometimes I miss that feeling. Not wanting to see the world through younger eyes, but to be more carefree and not let things get to me so much. In some ways I wish I could stay forever young.

I love Alphaville’s Forever Young. It was released the year I was born and it’s such a haunting song. There are a couple of lines I’ve always related to.

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don’t they stay young?

I’ve always thought the lyrics aren’t just about staying young and growing older but also about beauty…. I’ve noticed recently that I don’t look at the world in the same way as I did before. That’s not necessarily bad, but what I used to stop and notice around me now I don’t notice as often. My life has more priorities; I have less time to sit and watch the world go by. I find that sad… if I can’t find time to appreciate beauty, what’s the point of all the rest?

People say that you’re only as old as you feel inside and I know what they mean… I think for as long as I live my heart will remember how I felt during those golden summers and I’ll never lose it. But there is a danger in that as well. It’s simple to value the past so much that we become lost in it; that we’d want to spend more time with our memories and watching old TV series than experiencing the present. That’s something I never want to do; I value life and my journey too much for that. What I think staying forever young really means is holding onto the joys of our life as we move forward; if we can do that, then we are never old. And if our memory lives on, we never die.

The photo reminded me of that, the empty bench looking out at the ocean… and it reminded me again that I need to take more time to look at the world around me, its beauty. As a writer I’ve been looking at the world in terms of people, but that’s only a small part of life.

Strange how something as simple as a photo could touch me so much. But then beauty comes in all forms; it’s our job to recognise it. And I was lucky enough to this time.

I hate having my photo taken. I’m one of those people who either comes up well in a photo or very badly; if I have warning then I’m okay, but if you spring it on me I end up looking like Quasimodo. It’s worse at Christmas; there’s always some party to go to or family coming round, and there’s always someone with a camera lurking around waiting to steal my soul.

A lot of people feel like that with photos, but I probably take it a step further… what’s interesting though is that most people seem to come up better when it’s a spontaneous photo than when they’re posed. Catching someone in a moment just makes them seem more natural and it’s closer to the memory we want to keep.

I’ve been printing some photos for a friend over the last few days and the same thing’s true again. There are over 160 photos and most of them have come out well, but the ones which are stunning were all taken when they didn’t know they were being photographed. There was one photo of a couple of my friends that just jumped out at me; it’d be impossible to make them ugly but it seemed to capture the smile in their eyes, and that’s how I’ve always known them. None of the other photos caught that.

You often hear people say that it’s what’s on the inside that makes someone beautiful. It’s said so often that it’s become a cliché, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. When I think of beauty I don’t usually think of someone’s appearance… well, that’s not quite true. My first instinct is to look at that, if they’re presentable, attractive, but I’m more interested in their personality and who they are. I think someone can be very attractive but not beautiful. Someone who is a racist or have repugnant ideas could be the most fair person in the world but would still be undesirable and ugly in a much worse way.

That’s one reason I don’t like it when people say someone is sexy. Certainly someone can be sexy and it can be a compliment, but I’m not a fan of how it’s overused; sexy, sexed up, I find that’s more about lust and desire than anything empowering. Hearing that governments “sexed up” reports just sets my teeth on edge. I guess I’ve always thought of beauty as what we represent as a whole, while someone’s attractiveness (or sexiness) is more related to their appearance.

Those photos seemed to capture that beauty; more than just the appearance, it caught the light in their eyes, a smile, a laugh… it transcended the rest. Unfortunately it doesn’t work for me, but I think those kind of photos definitely seem to cast most people in a good light.

What all this makes me wonder, though, is how do we define beauty today? Has it changed, the definition evolved? I think the way beauty and sexy are used interchangeably now suggests that it has. One example would be Maxim’s recent list of the world’s 5 unsexiest women; Sarah Jessica Parker came first. I still don’t understand that. Maybe Jessica Alba is the current It Girl, but I don’t find SJP unattractive at all. I think there’s something to be said for having a little elegance and class; calling her horse faced is just cruel.

But that’s part of the culture we live in now. Appearances matter more than ever and our definition of beauty is skin deep. As long as we’re presentable and look a certain way, then someone will like us enough that we’ll feel good about ourselves…

I wonder what you think. How do you define beauty and looks? What makes you beautiful? I’d be interested to find out.

Photos from BigFoto.com

Beauty is timeless:
It lies far beneath the skin
Where no one can see

The years pass you by:
Time is but an illusion
I still remember

Dream by the river:
I am turning into you
A life not well lived

Tears of ice and cold
Falling from heaven like snow–
Warm while you hold me

A heart long broken
Aching more strongly with time–
You have had your fun

Darkness in the sky:
Owls hunt mice in the shadows
The circle of life

Red-headed woman
Beautiful in candlelight–
A dream slips away

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